Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!— Homer
Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I’m tired of making other people feel good about themselves!— Homer
Voice in phone: The number you have dialed can no longer reached from this phone. You...neglegant...monster.
Homer: Garbage in garbage can. Hmm, makes sense.
Marge: (crying) And then I saw my son in a burlap sack, and they told me he had lice.
Man: (in burlap sack scratching his head) This story going somewhere?
Bart: Wow, Dad, you took a baptismal for me. How do you feel?
Homer: Oh, Bartholomew, I feel like St. Augustine of Hippo after his conversion by Ambrose of Milan.
Ned: Wait! Homer, what did you just say?
Homer: I said shut your ugly face, Flanders!
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