Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart’s The Magic Flute. So, what’s the answer? Ban all music? In this reporters opinion, the answer, sadly, is ‘yes’.— Brockman
Mr. Burns: We need some excitement around here!
Smithers: Chinese checkers or domestic, sir?
Mr. Burns: No, no. Something fun. Something the men will enjoy... like a safety drill! But what kind? Meltdown alert? Mad dog drill? Blimp attack? Ah... I think a good old-fashioned fire drill today.
Mr. Burns: Is it supposed to take this long? What's a good time for a mass evacuation of the entire plant?
Smithers: Forty five seconds.
Mr. Burns: And what's our time so far?
Smithers: I don't know, sir. This stopwatch only goes up to fifteen minutes.
Marge: Don't worry, kids. This is a national park. We can have lots of fun!
Ranger: Oh, I'm afraid that's no longer true, ma'am. Budget cutbacks have forced us to eliminate anything the least bit entertaining.
Smithers: Now pair off as I draw your names. Lenny and... Carl.
Carl: Aw nuts! (Lenny looks upset) I mean, uh... Aw nuts.
Smithers: Sir, this can't be right. You assured me this drawing was rigged so we'd be teammates.
Mr. Burns: Yes, well, frankly, you've been a bit of a pill lately.
Smithers: Why do we always fight on vacation?
Bart: I have a watch with a minute hand.
Smithers: All right, you can come. What time is it?
Bart: 12:80. No wait. Wait. What comes after 12?
Smithers: One.
Bart: No, after twelve!
Marge: Excuse me, sir? I can't find my children.
Ranger: Have you checked the woods?
Marge: No.
Ranger: Hmm. Follow me. We'll take the chair lift. It'll give us an eagle-eye view of the area directly beneath the chair lift.
Homer: You know, Mr. Burns, you're the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny.
Mr. Burns: Oh yes. But I'd trade it all for a little more.
Bart: Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?
Homer: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Homer: I think I won, Mr. Burns.
Mr. Burns: (menacingly) Yes, you won, all right. You won more than you bargained for...
Homer: Woohoo!
Mr. Burns: Tell me, Simpson. If an opportunity arose for taking a small shortcut, you wouldn't be adverse to taking it, would you?
Homer: Uhh, not as such.
Mr. Burns: Neither would I. I've always felt that there's far too much hysteria these days about so-called cheating. If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!
Homer: Mr. Burns, I insist that we cheat.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
Mr. Burns: Oh, yes, sitting. The great leveler. From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, who doesn't enjoy a good sit?
Carl: According to the map, the cabin should be right here.
Lenny: Hey, maybe there is no cabin. Maybe it's one of them metaphorical things.
Carl: Oh yeah, yeah... Like maybe the cabin is the place inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.
Lenny: Oh! ...Nah, they said there would be sandwiches.
Homer: We could build snowmen.
Mr. Burns: No, I have a better idea! We could build real men, out of snow!
Lisa: Mr. Smithers, Mr. Smithers! I found another injured shrew. I think this one has a twisted ankle.
Smithers: Twisted ank... Aren't there any healthy animals in this forest?
Mr Burns: Look at those snowmen in our warm clothes. Mocking us.
Homer: Uh, they're just snowmen, Mr. Burns.
Mr Burns: Oh snowmen have peepers, peepers to watch...watch for your moment of weakness then BAM!
Homer: Aah, what do we do?
Mr Burns: (menacingly) Oh, wouldn't you like to know?
Lenny: Hey, we're the first two here, and it's all thanks to teamwork.
Carl: Yeah, my teamwork.
Smokey: Only WHO can prevent forest fires? (Bart presses "You") You pressed "you", referring to me. The correct answer is "you".
Bart: Mom, can Lisa and I play outside, away from the bear?
