Look Marge, you don’t know what it’s like - I’m the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I’m not out of order! You’re out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! ’Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do!! Forget it Marge, it’s Chinatown!!!— Homer
Marge: You took a new job in a strange town without discussing it with your family?
Homer: Of course not. I wouldn't do that! (pause) Why not?
Marge: We have roots here, Homer. We have friends and family and library cards... Bart's lawyer is here.
Homer: Promise not to laugh? I always wanted to own the Dallas Cowboys. (everyone laughs)
Lisa: I'm sorry, Dad. I just find that very cute.
Marge: I've dug myself into a happy little rut here and I'm not about to hoist myself out of it.
Homer: Just bring the rut with ya, honey!
Homer: Well, what do you think of me and Cypress Creek now, Marge?
Marge: It does seem nicer than Springfield.
Lisa: Yeah, did you notice how the people weren't shoving or knocking each other down? I've never been to a place like that before.
Bart: (shoving her) Me neither!
Hank Scorpio: You will notice, my new best friend, that we are pretty casual around here.
Homer: Yes, sir. I will notice that. Very casual, Mr. Scorpion.
Hank Scorpio: Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the Doomsday Device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you'll face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this.
Ambassador 1: Oh, my God, the 59th Street bridge!
Ambassador 2: Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
Ambassador 1: We can't take that chance.
Ambassador 2: You always say that. I want to take a chance!
Homer: Sir, I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
Hank Scorpio: Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn't I think of that? Hammocks! Homer, there's four places. There's the Hammock Hut, that's on third. There's Hammocks-R-Us, that's on third too. You got Put-Your-Butt-There? That's on third. Swing Low, Sweet Chariot... Matter of fact, they're all in the same complex; it's the hammock complex on third.
Homer: Oh, the hammock district.
Hank Scorpio: Don't call me that word. I don't like things that elevate me above the other people. I'm just like you. Oh sure, I come in later in the day, I get paid a lot more, and I take longer vacations, but I don't like the word "boss".
Homer: Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2%, and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.
Hank Scorpio: Homer, on your way out, if you want to kill somebody, it would help me a lot.
Homer: (reading Hank's letter) "Project Arcturus couldn't have succeeded without you. This will get you a little closer to that dream of yours. It's not the Dallas Cowboys, but it's a start. Drop me a line if you're on the East Coast, Hank Scorpio." (a whole football team is on his lawn) Aw, the Denver Broncos?!
Marge: I think owning the Denver Broncos is pretty good.
Homer: (disheartened) Yeah, yeah.
Marge: Well, explain to me why it isn't.
Homer: (sighs) You just don't understand football, Marge.
Scorpio: You like these moccasins? Look in your closet, there’s a pair for you. Don’t like ‘em? Then neither do I! (He throws them out the door.) Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?
Homer: (chuckles) Yes, once.
