Business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn’t for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.— Moe
Shary Bobbins: Hello, I'm Shary Bobbins.
Homer: Did you say Mary Pop--
Shary Bobbins: No, I definitely did not. I'm an original creation, like Rickey Rouse, or Monald Muck.
Marge: That Shary Bobbins is a miracle worker. The kids love her, the house is spotless, and my hair's grown back. It's so full and thick it can support a beach umbrella.
Marge: My, she seems too good to be true.
Homer: I'll say. Her butt waxed the banister!
Homer: Ooh, I can't get enough of this blood pudding.
Bart: The secret ingredient is blood.
Homer: Blood? Ugh! I'll just stick to the brain and kidney pie, thank you.
TV Announcer: Welcome back to "Before They Were Famous." We all know Rainier Wolfcastle as the star of the blockbuster "McBain" movies, but here's his first appearance in a commercial in his native Austria.
Rainier: Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z. Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N...
Homer: Your mother seems really upset about something. I better go have a talk with her - during the commercial.
Bart: And I'll take up smoking and give that up.
Homer: Good for you, son. Giving up smoking is one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do. Have a dollar.
Willy: Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
Shary Bobbins: It's good to see you, Willy.
Willy: That's not what you said the first time you saw me!
Tarantino: (in Itchy & Scratchy cartoon) What I'm trying to say in this cartoon is that violence is everywhere in our society, you know, it's like even in breakfast cereals, man.
Bart and Lisa: Good-bye, Shary Bobbins!
Marge: Thanks for everything!
Barney: So long, Superman!
Shary: Hello, Willie.
Lisa: You know her?
Willie: Aye. Shary Bobbins and I were engaged to be wed back in the old country. Then she got her eyesight back. Suddenly the ugliest man in Glasgow wasn't good enough for her.
Shary: It's good to see you, Willie.
Willie: (angrily) That's not what you said the first time you saw me!
Skinner: Boy for sale! Boy for sale!
Jimbo: Is this legal, man?
Skinner: Only here, and in Mississippi.