UK censorship guide: Season 3

ACT 1
During the intro sequence

As with other Treehouse of Horror episodes, the lightning flashes were slowed down so that they do not cause seizures among viewers.

ACT 2
In Bart's Nightmare

This is cut during Sunday afternoon airings, despite the answer being clearly visible on Bart's answer sheet, and the big sign on Dr. Marvin Monroe's door later in the segment - Member of the Bonerland Medical Association.

Mrs. Krabappel: Well class, the history of our country has been changed again, to correspond with Bart's answers on yesterday's test. America was now discovered in 1942 by... Some Guy. And our country isn't called America any more. It's Bonerland.

ACT 3
Burns cuts off television in Springfield

Mr. Burns' Head: Yes, that's right, this is all a dream...
(Executive Producer credits come up.)
Mr. Burns' Head: Or is it...
(Cut to the Simpsons Kitchen)
Announcer: Next week on the Simpsons.
Lisa: Don't forget day, tomorrow my school is having an "all-you-can-eat" spaghetti dinner.
Homer's Head: Mmm... Spaghetti.
Mr. Burns' Head: But Homer, tomorrow's our reception for Queen Beatrice of the Netherlands.
Homer's Head: Oh, I hate having two heads.
(Credits roll)

ACT 1
The Twirl King Yo-Yo Company presentation

(Ms. Hoover and Mrs. Krabappel sit at the back of the hall, smoking under a "No Smoking" sign.)
Ms. Hoover: I question the education value of this assembly.
Mrs. K: Hey, it'll be one of their few pleasant memories when they're pumping gas for a living.
(Strobe lighting effects are used as the yo-yo-ists do tricks to "Age of Aquarius" by Fifth Dimension.)
Mr. Amazing: Now for our next stunt, what do you say we get your Principal up here?

ACT 1
After Homer makes his wish

(Homer laughs maniacally as he chews the mouthful of burger, then he starts choking. Ned starts hitting him on the back but he turns several different colors. The screen then fades to black to the sound of Homer choking. Finally he stops and breathes a sigh of relief.)

The BBC tend to not show black outs, for unknown reasons.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 1
Homer watched a McBain film at VHS Village

Skowie: Oh yes sir...
(A waiter reaches into a turkey and retrieves a gun, he leads the laser-guider onto McBain's chest.)
Skowie: Everything's gonna be...
(Skowie reaches to retrieve the photo from McBain, getting in the way of the laser. The waiter shoots, but Skowie gets in the way of the bullet. The waiter doesn't stop shooting and keeps blasting Skowie, over and over again. We see the carnage from different angles. First from behind; then from above, where a ceiling fan blocks most of the violence; then we see it through a key-hole and finally through a steering wheel from an old boat. We see a close-up of the gun, as it keeps firing. The waiter stops firing, as Skowie grabs one of his many gun wounds, he falls to the floor screaming. The waiter leaps onto a motorbike, hidden behind the counter, and drives away. McBain runs after it, blasting at it. The waiter gets away as McBain returns to his fallen partner, who is lying in a huge puddle of blood.)
Skowie: Damn, damn, damn, damn. McBain, I'm not gonna make it.
McBain: Oh, stop talking crazy.
Skowie: Do one thing for me... get Mendoza.
(Skowie dies as his hand rolls over, photo of his wife and boat still in hand. McBain grabs Skowie's body and listens for a heart beat, he then lets go and looks upwards.)
McBain: (yelling) Mendoza!
(Homer is watching the movie.)
Clerk: Wanna rent it sir?
Homer: Why? I just saw the best part! Hehe....

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 1
At the soapbox derby try-outs

Bart: "Gravity is my co-pilot".
(Nelson's two weasel friends walk up to him.)
Weasel: Here, in case you need it.
(The weasel hands Nelson a knife.)
Nelson: Aw, thanks guys.
(Nelson bangs their heads together)
Nelson: Now get outta here.
Martin: I never noticed this hill was so steep.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 1
After Krabappel flips over the yo-yo fad

Milhouse: Hey, Bart. Got any new tricks for us today?
Bart: Just one. It's a little something I call "Plucking The Pickle". I build up a little steam and...
(Bart throws the Yo-Yo behind him and it smashes a fish tank.)

For those of you living sheltered lives, "Plucking the Pickle" is a slang term for masturbation. However it is subtle, so I see no real reason to cut it; Furthermore another reference, "choking the chicken" in Black Widower, went uncut.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 3
During the montage of Homer swearing

Bart: Homer, that was a twenty.
Homer: Da--
(Puts a handful of coins in the Swear Jar.)

This was edited really badly, Homer can be heard making a very funny noise before he drops multiple quarters into the Swear Jar. It's weird that they would censor it in the first place.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 3
During the montage of Homer swearing

Ned: Boy, the way these cheques keep coming in it's almost criminal.
Homer: You dirty bas--
(Another handful of coins go in the Swear Jar.)

Again, odd that the Beeb censor something already censored to a degree.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 2
After Bart and Lisa break the couch

Homer: Goodbye old girl, we've had a lot of great memories.
(Homer reminisces about past times on the couch. First is Dallas.)
Kristie: That's right. *I* shot JR.
(Homer gasps. Next, Homer is sat on the couch while several neighbours hold hands in his living room.)
TV Announcer: Except for huge gaps in the western states, "Hands Across America" was a complete success.

I am led to believe the line was cut at one point because the BBC were about to rerun Dallas; this episode would have spoiled the cliff-hanger, for anyone who didn't know.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 2
The family argue over what to do with Homer's award money

Homer: Wait, Marge! Didn't you want to spend that money on a vibrating chair?
Marge: That was your idea!
Bart: I think we should get a machine gun. We could use it to hunt game, spell out things, or ring in the new year.
Marge: Well, I really think we need to replace the washer and drier.

Chances are that these gun references were cut to dissuade children from buying machine guns and using them to hunt game, spell out things, or ring in the new year.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show

ACT 3
Herb shows the family the baby translator

Homer: I can't believe we spent two thousand dollars on this when right now rollers could be kneading my buttocks.
Herb: Homer, would you stop thinking about your ass?
Homer: I try, but I can't...

Archived cut: Now restored

ACT 3
Herb gives everyone the things they wanted earlier in the episode...except Bart!

Herb: Now Bart, I know you're too young for that machine gun you wanted but I'm gonna give you something that'll make sure when you're old enough you can still buy one - A Membership in the National rifle Association.
Bart: Wow, the NRA... Can I get armour-piercing cyanide-tipped bullets too?
Herb: It's in the constitution, son.

Archived cut: BBC no longer airs the show