Business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn’t for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.— Moe
Business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn’t for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.— Moe
Lisa: (on the phone) Dad, I broke my last saxophone reed, and I need you to get me a new one.
Homer: Uh, isn't this the kind of thing your mother's better at?
Lisa: I called her, she's not home. I also tried Mr. Flanders, Aunt Patty, Aunt Selma, Dr. Hibbert, Reverend Lovejoy, and that nice man who caught the snake in our basement.
Homer: Wow, and after them, out of all the people in the world, you chose me.
Homer: Hurry, Moe, hurry, I've only got five minutes 'til the music store closes.
Moe: Well, why don't you go there first?
Homer: Hey! Do I tell you how to do your job?
Moe: Sorry, Homer.
Homer: You know, if you tip the glass, there won't be so much foam on top.
Homer: Maybe I should just cut my losses, give up on Lisa, and make a fresh start with Maggie.
Homer: I'll buy her that pony she's always bugging me for.
Marge: We can't afford to buy a pony.
Homer: Marge, with today's gasoline prices, we can't afford not to buy a pony.
Marge: We're just going to have to cut down on luxuries.
Homer: Well, you know, we're always buying Maggie vaccinations for diseases she doesn't even have!
Apu: Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years. They are strictly ornamental. There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them.
Homer: But I eat... oh...
Homer: I work from midnight to eight, come home, sleep for five minutes, eat breakfast, sleep six more minutes, shower, then I have ten minutes to bask in Lisa's love, then I'm off to the power plant, fresh as a daisy.
Apu: He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.
