Look Marge, you don’t know what it’s like - I’m the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I’m not out of order! You’re out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth! ’Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend’s face, you’ll know what to do!! Forget it Marge, it’s Chinatown!!!— Homer
Homer: Here's good news! According to this eye-catching article, SAT scores are declining at a slower rate.
Lisa: Dad, I think this paper is a flimsy hodgepodge of pie graphs, factoids and Larry King.
Homer: Hey, this is the only paper in America that's not afraid to tell the truth: that everything is just fine!
Bart: They're official Krusty the Clown walkie-talkies! I'll keep one and you keep one. Now, whenever you want to talk to me, just call me on the phone and tell me to turn on my walkie-talkie.
Homer: Who'd have thought a nuclear reactor would be so complicated!
Martin: Milhouse, I'd like to express my appreciation for Saturday. Jelly bean basket, personalized noisemakers. But the little touches are what made it enduring!
Bart: What's he talking about?
Milhouse: Uh... Hey! Look at that dog! Isn't that something!
Bart: Wow, brown!
Mr. Burns: So, what did you do this weekend, Smithers?
Smithers: Well, I caught up on my laundry, wrote a letter to my mother, oh, here a kicker, and I took Hercules out to be clipped.
Mr. Burns: Who the devil is Hercules?
Smithers: Oh, he's my Yorkshire terrier, sir. He's kind of tiny, so you know, it's a joke. Here's a picture of Herky. (shows picture)
Mr. Burns: Ugh. Well, Smithers, don't you know how to paint the town red!
Apu: Otto, do you know there's a small child inside your bus?
Otto: (sees Bart in the back) Ooh, good thing you warned me. I was on my way to Mexico!
Homer: Okay, okay, don't panic, whosever problem this is, I'm sure they know how to handle it... (looks at his control panel) Aah! It's my problem! We're doomed!
Milhouse: Bart, my mom won't let me be your friend any more. That's why you couldn't come to the party.
Bart: What's she got against me?
Milhouse: She says you're a bad influence.
Bart: Bad influence, my ass!
Homer: Yeah, you know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
Barney: I had to give a speech once. I was pretty nervous, so I used a little trick. I picture everyone in their underwear. The judge, the jury, my lawyer, everybody.
Homer: Did it work?
Barney: I'm a free man, ain't I?
