Aw, being a clown sucks. You get kicked by kids, bit by dogs, and admired by the elderly. Who am I clowning? I have no business being a clown! I’m leaving the clowning business to all the other clowns in the clowning business.— Homer
Homer: (answering door) Patty! Selma! What a pleasant surprise!
Patty: What do you know, he's wearing pants.
Selma: I owe you a lunch.
Homer: What's the quickest, cheapest, easiest way to do something with you?
Lisa: Uh, take us to the video store?
Homer: Anything for my little girl.
Homer: I don't know jack about my boy. I'm a bad father!
Selma: You're also fat.
Homer: I'm also fat!
Homer: (reading) No matter what you tell your child to do, he will always do the opposite. Huh?
Brain: Don't you get it? You gotta use reverse psychology!
Homer: Aw, that sounds too complicated.
Brain: Okay, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: All right, I will!
Homer: Thank you, Bill Cosby. You've saved The Simpsons!
Bart: Oh, I don't know if I should do that. My dad and I build our car together, and if I drove somebody else's it'd kill him! On the other hand, I'll do it!
Martin: What is the matter with you?
Bart: It's my dad. Lying there on the couch, drinking a beer, staring at the TV... I've never seen him like that.